- Introduction : liberals and the woman who hates them
- Airport security : make imams take buses
- Baby-killing : abort liberals, not children
- Blacks : the only thing standing between the Democrat Party and oblivion
- George W. Bush : the guy I'd most like to have a nonalcoholic beer with
- Christians : must reproduce more
- Bill Clinton : he left a mark on history that may never come out
- Hillary Clinton : the smartest woman in the world!
- Colleges : the English translation of "madrassa"
- Communism : a new fragrance by Hillary Clinton
- Ann Coulter : my quotes about me!
- Crime and punishment : preferably a two-step process
- Dear Ann : free advice worth every penny
- Democrat ideas (see also: Marx, Lenin)
- Democrats' virtues : points of light in a sea of darkness
- Elections : it only encourages them
- Environmentalism : Adolf Hilter was the first environmentalist
- Evolution, alchemy, and other "settled" scientific theories
- Foreigners, or the "non-soap oriented"
- Gays : no gay left behind!
- Girls : chicks hate it when you call them "girls"
- Guantanamo : room service, I'd like seventy-two virgins, please
- Guns : the constitutional right you can carry in your purse
- Hollywood : they ought to be committed
- oops, they already are!
- Immigration : this is ours, that is yours
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- say, do you do windows?
- Iraq : a new reality show
- Teddy Kennedy : apparently fat, drunk, and stupid is a way to go through life
- John Kerry : "Who among us does not love NASCAR?"
- The language police : can't we have more real police?
- Liberal "argument" : hissing, scratching, and hair pulling
- "Liberal patriotism" and other oxymorons
- Liberal religion : American idolatry
- Liberals in alphabetical order, or why I sometimes waver on abortion
- Liberal tactics : distortion, dissembling, deception
- and the rest is just run-of-the-mill treason
- McCarthyism : calling communist "communists"
- The military
- their pet peeve : keeping George Clooney safe
- Morals : get Chuck Schumer over here, I don't want to have to explain this twice!
- Muslims : Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and a moderate Muslim walk into a bar
- The New York times : don't look now, but the old gray lady is on a respirator
- Old media : imagine an open sewer with coupons, want ads, and your horoscope
- Ronald Reagan, or why I sometimes waver on human cloning
- Republicans : aren't they magnificent?
- Scandals : there's a new museum dedicated to them in Little Rock, Arkansas
- Sex : "virile pacifist" is an oxymoron
- Supreme Court : I haven't been officially approached as yet, but thanks for asking
- Taxes : how about amnesty for "the wealthy"?
- The war on terrorism : peacenik pacifists to the rescue!
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